Well where to start with this tale. I feel I have to write this to a certain extent because I look back at some of these things and wonder how I got myself into the different situations. And for others it answers the question, "you were married how many times?" For you all it should be some enjoyment and maybe someone else will have more luck writing a song about it than me. One last thing before I get into these stories, I am friends with all of them now and this is not something to be vindictive. Its just a humorous look at life.....

Anyway......
Wife number 1, as I will refer to her, was from the Philadelphia area of PA. Back in the late 80s, we met at the horse ranch we both had been working for in Colorado. We fell in love; I mean how could we not? The sunsets in the Rockies. The hikes in the mountains. Watching the storms roll through the valley it was a perfect setting, although I should have gotten the hint that she didn't go out with me till I wrote her a short song.

She convinced me that I should follow her back to Penn State for the school year so she could graduate. We then traveled the seasonal circuit for a while in Colorado and Wyoming. Now here is where the song facts start....

At one point she was working in Alaska and I was in Wyoming. (talk about long distance relationships) She had some time off and came to visit me. While there, I proposed. ( you know the one knee, take her hand, would you marry me thing) We went to the JP office the next day, got 2 secretaries to be our witnesses and said I do.

Life was perfect Everything we owned fit in my pick up.

We bought a Winnebago because we needed something to live in the first summer we both began to work for the Park Service, See we had 2 dogs and they didn't have anymore housing for pets. The Winnebago was a 1969 Brave, 18 1/2 ft long. Had a bathroom that was so small, the shower drain was in the floor and you had to sit on the toilet while you took a shower. Kind of a bodet in reverse.

I was working as a police officer for the NPS and she was a firefighter/ EMS personnel.
At the end of the season, she needed to get her EMT certification in Crested Butte, CO and it would take a month. One thing about being overly mobile is you don’t have a lot of money, so I couldn't stay there with her. I went back to PA and said, we would call each other and talk because it would only be a month.

Two weeks later, she calls me. Tells me I have to come out to Colorado to talk.
Did you ever have a question you wanted to ask, have a gut feeling you know the answer, but you don’t want to have anything to do with the whole situation.
My question came out as "Who is he?" There was no response, so there was my answer.

To wind things up without a lot more boring details, when I finally did make it back for the winter season in WY, she broke into my cabin and stole the dogs. She sent me a note and told me I could keep the Winnebago. WOW! An almost 30 year old RV that got 5 miles to the gallon, wouldn’t go over 50 mph, and had a bathroom the size of a postage stamp. Thanks dear!!!!!

Its okay though. I traded the Winnebago to a contractor for a front porch for my brother’s house. Yes I said porch. Here endth the first wife chronicle.

In the next story, we will examine how some men prove their manhood by revving their engines and squealing their tires.